Advent Day 7, 2019: Carols, Cocktails, and Cookies, a.k.a. Winterize the Song of the Summer

Last year, our carol-off consisted of a day of writing punk-rock Christmas songs. This year, we’re back on a family classic: winterize the Song of the Summer. And by “Winterize,” I mean, “Chrismassify.”

This year’s Song of the Summer is insanely easy to identify: the one and only “Old Town Road.” I don’t think it’s going to be too hard to get some Christmas action in on this ditty:

Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more (Kio, Kio)

I got the horses in the back
Horse tack is attached
Hat is matte black
Got the boots that’s black to match
Ridin’ on a horse, ha
You can whip your Porsche
I been in the valley
You ain’t been up off that porch, now

Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’
Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’

Ridin’ on a tractor
Lean all in my bladder
Cheated on my baby
You can go and ask her
My life is a movie
Bull ridin’ and boobies
Cowboy hat from Gucci
Wrangler on…

Along with, Blaise and I will make some cocktails. [I’m dying to perfect a Manhattan…so it will likely be a Manhattan!] And the kids will have plenty of their favourite Reverse Chip Brookie Cookies to take with them down the old-town road, or the Noël town road, or wherever it is they end up parking their reindeer!

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Updated remix lyrics from online:

[Intro: Billy Ray Cyrus]
Oh, oh-oh
Oh

[Refrain: Billy Ray Cyrus]
Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
(Kio, Kio)

[Verse 1: Lil Nas X]
I got the horses in the back
Horse tack is attached
Hat is matte black
Got the boots that’s black to match
Ridin’ on a horse, ha
You can whip your Porsche
I been in the valley
You ain’t been up off that porch, now

[Chorus: Lil Nas X]
Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’
Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’

[Verse 2: Lil Nas X]
Ridin’ on a tractor
Lean all in my bladder
Cheated on my baby
You can go and ask her
My life is a movie
Bull ridin’ and boobies
Cowboy hat from Gucci
Wrangler on my booty

[Chorus: Lil Nas X]
Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’
Can’t nobody tell me nothin’
You can’t tell me nothin’

[Refrain: Lil Nas X]
Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more

[Verse 3: Billy Ray Cyrus]
Hat down, cross town, livin’ like a rockstar
Spent a lot of money on my brand new guitar
Baby’s got a habit: diamond rings and Fendi sports bras
Ridin’ down Rodeo in my Maserati sports car
Got no stress, I’ve been through all that
I’m like a Marlboro Man so I kick on back
Wish I could roll on back to that old town road
I wanna ride ’til I can’t no more

[Outro: Lil Nas X & Billy Ray Cyrus]
Yeah, I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more
I’m gonna take my horse to the old town road
I’m gonna ride ’til I can’t no more

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The family remix-remix, 7pm Sat nite:

Old North Pole

[Intro: Billy Ray Santa]
Ho, ho-ho,
Ho

[Refrain: Billy Ray Santa]
Yeah, gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more
Gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more
(Ho, Ho)

[Verse 1: Lil Claus X]
I got the presents in the back
sleigh bells are attached
got my ready red hat
Got the boots that’s black to match
Ridin’ on my sleigh, buck,
You can whip your cyber truck
I been in the workshop
You ain’t been on the rooftop

[Chorus: Lil Claus X]
Can’t nobody move so quick,
You can call me Old Saint Nick
Can’t nobody move so quick,
You can call me Old Saint Nick

[Verse 2: Lil Claus X]
Ridin’ with my Reindeer
Shift it into high gear
Checkin my list, baby,
Been waiting for this ride all year
My life is a movie
Rudolph’s nose is ruby
‘Bominable wears Gucci
Mrs. Santa is a cutie

[Chorus: Lil Claus X]
Can’t nobody move so quick,
You can call me Old Saint Nick
Can’t nobody move so quick,
You can call me Old Saint Nick

[Refrain: Lil Claus X]
Yeah, gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more
Gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more

[Verse 3: Billy Ray Santa]
Hat down, cross town, livin’ by the North Star
Spent a lot of time making brand new guitars
Kiddies gotta have it: candy canes and lotsa toy cars
Chasing down the eggnog with a big bad chocolate bar
Got no stress, I’ve been through all that
I’m like a Polar Bear so I kick on back
Wish I could roll on back to that old North Pole
I wanna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more

[Outro: Lil Claus X & Billy Ray Santa]
Yeah, gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more
Gonna take my Reindeer to the Old North Pole
I’m gonna Sleigh ’til I can’t no more

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